fish on dry land

I’m gasping,

gasping so hard for air.

I suffer everyday,

yet I pull through,

thinking about the water;

How calming the water to feel against my skin,

How a cold shock would revive my spine,

How it will wash all my worries all away.

Til’ then,

I wait,

in agonizing pain.

I long for the day,

I may rest there,

eternally.

 

 

deleting Instagram!! #2

So today I actually dressed up, which is extremely rare! My friends usually complain about how I could wear sloppy wear to hang out with friends πŸ™‚ After I dressed up, I realised I could not share it with my friends and that really bummed me out…

Which is bad in my opinion.

I wanted to have a healthy relationship with appearance and having a solid and steady development loving myself.

After a while, I realised that I felt great regardless! Stepping out and being out, not being afraid about having enough likes or getting validation from my peers lifted a huge weight over my shoulders. Not only that, I got to know that I don’t actually entirely hate my appearance through how I felt being out in public, with all the make up and nice clothes, without getting approval from my friends.

beauty_1552539572287

Today, a full day out and I didn’t get to share any of it with instagram yet I felt great and beautiful at the end of the day!

I guess this marks the start of a healthier relationship with self-gratification and appreciation! hehe

i kinda want to be a fish?

I feel like a fish out of water;

Anxiety coats my existence when I breathe on land.

My brain a mess of thoughts,

my body riddled with pain and flaws.

Who am I to the people I love,

who am I to myself?

I’d think myself into perpetual darkness and misery.

But when I submerge myself in water,

I feel at peace.

The world seems bigger,

and there I truly understand that I am in the obedience of something far greater than myself or any other human being.

I fall helplessly small,

yet I am calm,

and happy,

looking at the big ocean blue.

Oh how wonderful it would be,

to breathe those pristine waters in my next life?

am i actually maturing???

I wake up to yet another day; a new day.

But this time, I was different.

It wasn’t because of a dream,

or anything life-changing yesterday…

What changed was just…

me

How do I explain this?

I just woke up one day,

a random day out of all the days it could have been,

and decided to change my life.

As cliche as it sounds,

I wanted the change to start from me.

I didn’t want a traumatic event to change me,

or another person triggering a change in me…

I wanted to be responsible for my own life’s good outcomes.

#empowerment? #maturing?

Whatever it is,

I am really happy this is happening.

I shall do my best to keep this up!

//

I hope you’re happy for me.

I wish the same would happen to you too πŸ™‚

 

bye bye demons

With an average of 3 hours of sleep,

I brave through a new day, yet again.

I piggyback my demons as my angel hangs on to my heart,

as it remains pure through hell.

It shows potential…

My demons see that.

So they press on,

for years,

loving a good challenge.

I persist on too;

a war over my heart constantly shook my foundations.

Today, they finally lost.

Today, I get to sleep and rest my burdens.

Today, they lost,

because my heart is stronger than the shit you give me.