secretly wishing you happiness :)

Joy in your heart,

Burning passion as you make,

I wish for your happiness,

Regardless which step you take.

I know we parted,

Though we have no say,

I always hoped that we could stay.

But it’s alright,

We need this break.

Or maybe,

It’s a total break…

But promise me you’ll grow,

Into the person you dream of,

And not suffer in vain.

//

I lost a friend,

But the feelings and the lessons you taught me,

Will always be remembered.

deleting instagram (info)

Before I decided to do this, I wanted to make sure I was convinced enough that I should do this. So, I did my research 🙂

I’ll be updating my feelings and experiences in this 30 day journey in other blog posts! Even during the day itself, day and night, where I feel it is needed! 

If you are interested in trying it out for yourself, here are some links! (This will be constantly updated)

 

If you’re into reading instead, here you go 🙂

Forum on Quora: Should I delete my instagram account

Why deleting my instagram account was the most fulfilling decision ever

 

 

i fear, yet fear not…

My heart is racing; It keeps me up at night.

How can my heart ache so badly with so many fears? I’ve never wanted anything this badly.

I look into the mirror and I take a deep breath.

It wasn’t something bad that triggered this panic; oh in fact, it was like a gentle reminder from God himself. That is why I tremble in fear.

I know my calling and I know the tough road ahead.

In dreams and visions I see and feel the turmoil and hardship to come. I feel it in my dreams and it channels constant fear through my veins when I’m awake.

I fear, yet fear not.

He plans the best for me and I will take whatever he plans for me.

He watches over me.

fears, fears and more fears

The fear of growing up is real. It’s beyond “I don’t wanna grow up”, “I love having no responsibilities” , “I like having fun” etc.

The fear stems from the thoughts of not being able to fulfil the dreams we had for decades, of not following the plans we mapped out for our “life goals” and of not being better versions of ourselves as promised.

I come from a generation, a batch of humans, obsessed with moving forward, obsessed with being perfect. We strive for constant growth, to fix up the problems accumulated by previous generations. Basically, we push the boundaries of what “perfect” really is. But as we as one generation, speak of such grand endeavours, we are fearful of being failures. There’s no such thing as setbacks; there’s only constant and consistent improvement.

I know in reality, this isn’t the case. But I can’t help but fear of being an adult that my own teenager self won’t look up to. I want to be that daughter who can provide for my parents a comfortable retirement. I want to be that sibling who is able to provide constant support regardless the drift. I want to be that friend who is full of wisdom and develops them to be better versions of theirselves. I want to be that wife, who loves unconditionally and unselfishly. I want to be that mother, like my own, who is forgiving and supportive. I want to be that doctor who would lay down their life for a stranger.

All these wants, are not just mere expectations. These are goals. Goals that are unwavering throughout my life and give me purpose.

These fears, ironically, although they shake me to my core and get the better of me at times, are the reason I’m stronger and more courageous everyday. I fear for my future, but it does not demise my hunger for a successful future, how ever other people’s reality paint me a dark and turbulent road ahead. I look forward to more challenges and more fears to conquer for as long as I live 🙂

definition of a soulmate

Today my friend called me a soulmate. And I was really surprised and happy about it. I was always close friends with him but i never knew where was the line between close friends and soul mates.

The thing is, my definition of what a soul mate was changed as I grew up.

Initially, when I was small, soulmate was defined as my one true love. My mom and dad called each other soulmates when they exchanged gentle kisses and hugs so I always associated this magical love with soulmate. With that, it naturally came with the thinking that I could only have 1 soulmate my whole life. So when I had my first Boyfriend, and he called me his “soulmate”, I fell so hard, no one could possibly save me from the heartache to come. When we broke up, I started to give that idea up and just lost my belief for relationships and fate in love.

Then I went on to university and I had a broader definition of what a soulmate is. It was “a bestfriend that can connect with me so instantly that it had to be telepathic. For quite a while I believed it because there was only one person whom I can be vulnerable around, so I was convinced that he was my soulmate; nothing romantic, just a strong and loving friendship, as though god sent.

A few months into university and I met more people whom I related to and felt so connected to that we instantly became a group that stood the test of distance, different time zones and busy schedules. I had the same feeling with them as I did with my bestfriend.

So now, finally, I have a new and hopefully lasting definition to what a soulmate is. I can have multiple soulmates, and a soulmate is considered a person whom I can connect with, be vulnerable with, and innocently love despite the distance and directions in life, and this has to be a mutual feeling.

I’m glad my friend called me a soulmate. It makes me feel a lot less alone in this world. I hope you guys have your soulmates too 🙂