For years, I have been trying to warp my own reality and memory of a very bad experience.
Right after I went through that struggle, my immediate thought was to get rid of it. I wanted to run away from it because it hurt so bad my heart was hurting physically. My friends told me I’d somehow forget it with time and new experiences.
It’s been 3 years and it’s been haunting me still.
I was studying some medical articles and I found one on the current progress of scientifically removing thoughts. It stemmed from the aim to help patients with trauma. I read on with it and it was quite appealing. Then I found another article, countering that research.
It was written by a psychologist who believed that besides the possibility of losing memories that are important, it hinders the patient’s ability to learn how to cognitively move on from struggles in life. She spoke about how this shouldn’t be an option. She said that trauma or not, we should instead strive to be stronger individuals who can move forward and learn from that memory.
So I placed it into my context and I thought about it hard…
I did learn from it, in a way that now I am extra cautious and I have a stronger personality with my priorities straightened out. I’ve done that but I’m still annoyed at how my brain can have flashbacks and still cause me hurt. I want to be able to look back at it and smile because I’ve grown from it.
So I ran more articles and found that if you consciously visit the thought, the brain builds the connections stronger than ever. The article advised to think about the priorities we have so that those connections can be strengthen instead of the bad memories. It also mentioned that, with time, the connections that are neglected will fade away and break even. It does make sense. Because that’s how people warp their own thoughts. You can keep thinking that you went through something for a good few months and eventually, your brain will really register it and it then becomes a “reality”.
I’m writing this post, to commemorate me letting go of that bad experience and hoping on a better future without having anxiety from it anymore.