Today I messed up an experiment discussion and my partner and I were told off for being unprepared and so we were advised to redo it again another time.
There were 2 things I gathered out of this.
Firstly, the time you invest in something might not always translate into reward proportionally. Although I was told off for not preparing well for the discussion, I spent an entire day researching on the science behind the experiment and even with that amount of time invested, I still could not be confident in the knowledge I gathered. During the discussion, I found myself unable to answer questions I studied for and answered some question wrongly. I was really disappointed in myself and thought that I shouldn’t be angry that my efforts did not translate. I have to accept that the world is not entirely fair and some people have to study more than others to give the same results. I have to be a hard worker.
Secondly, I still struggle with pride. I learnt this as he was telling us off that we would barely pass with the answers we gave him. In my head, it was really chaotic because I was thinking that the other people in the lab could hear us and at the same time, I was processing the words he said. His words felt like piercing swords into my chest and pushing them deeper in as he continues to emphasize on our lack of preparation. I wanted to answer him and told him we did study for it, we tried very hard, so he had no rights to degrade us in such a way. But instead, I held back and said that we would do it again, and ended off with a “thank you”. I said thank you, because I realised that him telling us off is a good thing. He is telling us we lack a strong foundation in understanding of this topic and that we should do something about it. I further linked this to the future. If I can’t handle his words, how am I going to thrive in a world full of critics?
I have to admit that as I write this, a little shame, anger and disappointment still lingers. But for sure, I will channel this to positive work and I will try harder to impress him next week.
Self improvement is important, and so I set aside my pride and learn.