I have considered plastic surgery before. In fact, my mom has sent me for a consultation with plastic surgeon Dr Wu.
But it’s always never really solidified as a plan. And I never really wanted it badly, though I was sure, I really hated my nose. I hated my teeth, I hated so many things.
In primary school, I was bullied by quite a few people, both verbally and physically. They almost always targeted my looks and how timid I was. They thrived over my unwillingness to stand up for my self, and my wreaking insecurities.
Eventually, I grew up and became better looking as the years went by. I started to attract guys and although it was flattering, I never really got a sense of security in my own beauty with them around.
A few more years down, I tried make up. I tried fashion and deliberately finding pieces that flatter me. It was fun for a while, but in the long run it started to get tiring and superficial. Other girls can do it, but it’s just not me. It drains me. But it’s okay, I went back to my simple ways.
As I gave it more thought, I realized I was happy being simple. I am happy being simple. I love being able to breathe well in my shorts, to have my pores bare and breathing, my lips being able to brush against the food I consume. I love carrying a backpack, wearing dinosaurs on my ears and overloading my bag with k8’s essentials like umbrella, tissues, water bottle, lip balm etc. So then I thought, there must be a way, to enhance something and yet stay simple and me.
I don’t mean model like selfies by the bed kind of effortless. I mean, to naturally change what I can change, to the best I can, so that I can be bare and feel beautiful. Take for instance, I can grow out my lashes with castor oil, I can thin my face out with massages daily, I can fixed my chapped lips with honey every morning and I can shrink my pores with icing etc.
I want to be able to be my own definition of beautiful without make up or any fancy clothing. I want to be able to distinguish special days and outings with friends where I do wear make up and dress up.
I want to feel beautiful both with make up and without.
I’m doing quite a few things to do that now. When I succeed at it, I’ll update you guys 🙂