deleting instagram?

To be honest, I’ve thought of deleting my instagram for quite some time now. BY quite some time, I mean like years. Did you guys ever have that thought?

I’m the kind of instagram user that posts unglamorous stories and posts, not caring about the aesthetics what so ever. As I grew up and friends around me started to have really pretty feeds and started to glam up in many ways, it got me really conscious. But eventually after entertaining that thought for a while, I’d manage to convince myself that I was not in a rush to grow up and that my feed should be an accurate representation of my personalities.

However, life caught up hard with me and the external pressures got the better of me. I started to even post things that looked good rather than what I wanted to post. I posted them because they were more “cool” and  gave the image of me that I wanted people to see. I did that for a while and it was pretty nice until one day I started being more reflective during the holidays and saw what I have become. I started to archive posts on and off, depending on my fluctuating levels of self-confidence.

That was a very tiring phase. I mean it technically is not done yet. As I am writing this piece, I am actually deciding on what I want do to with my Instagram and how I should look at it in a healthy way. I didn’t want to delete the account and just ghost from the virtual world. I wanted to make Instagram my bitch, if that makes any sense to you.

I did some readings and watched some vloggers talk about related issues and came to the decision that:

  1. I should only post what I want to post. I have to LOVE that post.
  2. If there’s anything I’m not loving but would still like to share, I’ll put it on my story.
  3. Make sure that whatever I post on my Instagram, I’d be okay if my future bosses see it.

Aside from these pointers that I will try to put into concrete practice, I realised how Instagram has consumed me in many ways. Yes, Instagram is a personal feed, but it shouldn’t be necessarily a representative of who you are. So I should not be stressing about how my feed looks like. It should be a platform for me to connect with my friends.

I do understand that I am a part of a generation that really makes Instagram an important part of our daily lives but it should not be an essential to our daily lives. Rather, it should be complimentary. Instagram should be all about being excited to share our lives and to know what our friends are up to. To unite through common feelings and interests. We shouldn’t be viewing Instagram like it’s an online portfolio, labeling people into who we think they are.

With this, I decided to archive most of my old posts. It’s not that I hate the posts. I just decided that I don’t want to share too much about my family on it and I am currently undergoing a transformation! Yes, for real. I have been trying to watch my weight and skin care. I also have been trying to earn and save as much money, as well as fix my priorities in life. I want to be posting new things about the new me and hopefully love myself even more each day 🙂

struggling with weight loss coming to an end?

I have been struggling with weight loss on and off since I was small and during my junior college days I hit an all time high of 60kg which made me really destructive. I really became insecure with myself, yet still in this state of denial, trying to convince myself I’m still happy no matter what weight I had.

After A levels and a break up, I had this slight change in my mindset and started lose a lot of weight in one month(8kg to be exact), in time for university. Have you ever heard of “freshman 50”? That just means they expect freshies to gain a shit ton of weight in the first year which I have proven… unfortunately…and I was once again sucked into this denial state and I simply refused to accept my weight gain.

So here we are again… And yes, this has a back story.

So the past few weeks, I caught up with many friends and parents’ friends and even met quite a few strangers and I realised that many, if not most of them, said I am pretty/beautiful but I “gained a little bit of weight”…

I ignored all of them at first, until I realised I started panting after a short walk which was pretty alarming(on top of all the health issues I was riddled with).

It got to the point when I realised this was really bothering me. I am at this point in my life where I’m hustling in other aspects but I can’t seem to budge from my weight loss problems. So I decided to do something about it.

Then I thought to myself, how can I make this time of weight loss regime more lasting and consistent this time? I didn’t want to lose the weight then fall back and gain them all back again. Therefore, I decided to document it here! So that I have some sort of guilt for not doing it or cheating-same logic as a strict trainer watching your every move. So starting from today, I’ll document my use of apps, diets, exercise(mild) and lifestyle changes and if they worked for me 🙂

Wish me luck :–)