i fear, yet fear not…

My heart is racing; It keeps me up at night.

How can my heart ache so badly with so many fears? I’ve never wanted anything this badly.

I look into the mirror and I take a deep breath.

It wasn’t something bad that triggered this panic; oh in fact, it was like a gentle reminder from God himself. That is why I tremble in fear.

I know my calling and I know the tough road ahead.

In dreams and visions I see and feel the turmoil and hardship to come. I feel it in my dreams and it channels constant fear through my veins when I’m awake.

I fear, yet fear not.

He plans the best for me and I will take whatever he plans for me.

He watches over me.

not today satan!! i decide who to love

Every night, I struggle in my sleep to decipher why you appear in my dreams.

Surely, you didn’t appear in my dreams with a purpose… right?

Oh god, I hope not.

It must be pure coincidence.

We are better friends. I like it this way.

For every dream I dream, feels like sin. It feels wrong because my mind and heart belongs to someone but my heart and soul yearns for you.

But I am careful.

For being with you in real life is too good to be true.

So I wrap up my wishes and feelings and store them at the back of my consciousness and pray that in the next life, maybe… just maybe… you might be mine.

i hate it!

I hate it! I really hate it when someone tells me it’s too late.

It’s too late to catch up, because only people who have consistency from the start succeed. It’s too late to learn a skill and be recognized for it because most people start from young. It’s too late to change your mind about your dreams because they require years of portfolio. It’s too late to be a mother because usually women give birth by 37. it’s too late to start a business in that field because it’s too popular now so your’s won’t succeed. It’s too late to go back to school because your brain must be rusty.

Saying “it’s too late” is like saying “you’ll fail for sure”. Now who are you, to say that?

Surely only God can tell. Yes, life is hard, life is unfair. But life is not always hard and unfair. Just like how you have to have been happy to be sad, you had good days to tell apart from the bad ones. I believe there is fate, but God is good and if we try hard enough, no matter the countless failures, you will make it in the end.

So don’t tell anyone it’s too late. They can do anything if they really want it, with no excuses.

Be a lad, and encourage the people around you to be better and happier. Don’t pull anyone down because that’s not what humanity is about.

waiting ’til end of the dial

Have you ever dialed someone, and after waiting on the dial beeps for quite some time, thought of just ending the call?

I don’t know about you, but I feel a sense of guilt. The guilt stems from the fear of not trying enough.

If say the call’s purpose was to check on their well-being, those extra 10 seconds of allowing the person to pick up could help them. I feel like 10 seconds is enough to change the course of our lives. 10 seconds we miss bumping into someone, 10 seconds allows us to say bad and good words to someone, in 10 seconds anyone could die from an accident.

So whenever, I have a lazy vibe and had to return a call, I made sure no matter what, I stayed for the whole duration of the dial.