deleting instagram!! #35

If you’re lost, don’t be. I’m 35 days into my “no Instagram” journey and I’m feeling great!

VIDEO UPDATE:

I feel really optimistic about life and I’m embracing change and transformation, no matter how fast it is or how drastic.

With Instagram out of my life for now, I’m able to sort out my priorities and really “get my shit back together”.

stop hugging me

Hugs are basic forms of affection, or so most people say.

People give them out for free and often. People hug to say hi, to apologise, to love, to finish their sentences.

Stop it.

Hugs are powerful.

Stop giving them so carelessly.

A hug can cure loneliness, it can confess love, it can comfort beyond words can ever. A hug can mend ties, bid farewell and give you life. A hug can make you a new friend, a new lover or soulmate.

A hug, can shatter the walls I take forever to build…

So stop giving it to me if you don’t mean it.

Don’t leave me lonelier than before you came.

I beg you.

hurts like heaven

I’m in a period of relapse, or rather what you call burn out, regression.

I’m at a point where I know I am exhausted; I’m tired of all the routines of study and work. I’m beat and my demons are taking over me.

I know it is temporary but right now they’re really getting into my system. I feel it getting stronger by the minute.

With the exhaustion of the thought of my existence and the unknown of what’s to come, the monsters I hid under the rug start to peep out. My past creeping back.

They come out when I face the mirrors, they talk to me when I see my photographs. They seep into my brain tissue when I see anything that could possibly remind me of you. They hold me dearly, as if comforting me, whenever I get lost in emotional moody songs- “It’s alright to be like this.”.

They’re not wrong. It is okay to be like that.

But I wonder when, if I do, when will I break free from their deceivingly comforting grasp. Everytime I do, they remind me that you, like heaven, hurts yet feels so good.

So now tell me…

How do I unmiss you?

my 21st birthday

I loved my birthday. It was overdue because of my finals and everything was so last minute but I am so glad :’)

The party was dinosaur themed but Amazon let me down and so I had to purchase a dragon outfit last minute. Although I set up the idea of the party, it was really my family and friends who set it up for me. My sister did up a video that had some of my closest friends in them and they did a montage for me. My parents bought me a t-rex balloon that was taller than me and got me a cake that matched my dragon outfit. My friends came and we played pool and ate a ton and watched netflix then ended the night with some good alcohol.

My bestfriend Michael told me he could not come at first due to NS restrictions but ended up surprising me by coming. :’)

I loved every bit of it and the hard work from my parents and it was all really great.

I could write a whole detailed script on what happened chronologically but pictures speak louder than words so here it is!

 

 

i dry my eyes ’cause i don’t feel like crying

Love from others, hate from myself.

Today I had a realization that although my current state of mind is a product of compounded hurts, regrets and fears that may have involved someone else, I was the one who let it compound up over the years.

Yes, a friend did me wrong and I was hurt. But I had the choice to appreciate instead, the many other friends who love me so dearly and unselfishly.

Yes, a past boyfriend scarred me and left me broken. But I have a choice, not to cry everyday, and to patiently wait for the day I finally break free and tear down my walls again.

Yes, I might have failed in my academics in the past and felt inadequate. But I have the choice, to wear them as battle scars and push myself harder.

The list goes on…

I got this realization through a song by Sigrid called “Don’t feel like crying” (See: Don’t feel like crying) and it really gave me strength in a way that it tells me that “yes, I can cry but do I really want to?”.

If you are feeling suffocated by many overwhelming emotions, take a break and listen to this. It might help!