adulting enlightenment

it’s ok,

to lose some friends;

trust me when i say this,

because you’ll realise life is better off that way in the end.

it’s ok,

to spend time on the same few friends;

trust me when i say this,

because you’ll realise that it’s better to have great friends than a meaningless audience watching you succeed and grow.

it’s ok,

to be selfish and work hard for your career and passion;

trust me when i say this,

because there’s nothing happier than to not work a single day in your life.

i haven’t had it all figured out but,

i’d say I’m getting there!

i hope you’re figuring life out too 🙂

dad

9,

19,

29,

39,

49 beautiful and tiresome years.

an orphan then,

a scholar you came to be.

a doting husband you grew,

an amazing Father you are to me.

it’s all the same,

through time and time again,

i’d say the same to you again.

dad you’re my inspiration,

the one who lets me live my aspirations.

no excuses you tell me,

to shout and brace hard til I am my own inspiration.

I wish you love,

I wish you health,

I wish I’ll make you prouder in the years ahead.

walk on water

is it possible?

a voice within my subconscious called upon me,

to abandon the ship that is struggling through the high seas,

and to walk on the water with it.

confusing,

maybe i’m going insane I thought.

i look over at the raging and clashing waves from the deck,

took a deep breath and jumped.

//

funny…

i opened my eyes and i was walking on ice.

the thin ice carried my weight as i walked…

after a few steps, the thin ice stopped.

i looked beyond the step,

and i realised it was water.

this is where i stop walking,

i thought.

“No. Continue.”,

my subconscious spoke to me.

“You are only limited to your own boundaries you set.”,

she begged me to push myself.

and so i did.

//

i walked and walked,

and as i walked on more,

i felt a weight being lifted.

my mind felt afloat,

my heart spacious and wanting for more,

my feet once tired,

now wants to venture to the ends of the world until i can no longer be on this earth.

now I believe,

that the greatest monsters on earth,

are the ones you create for yourself.

first week at school

recess was bad…

toilet and library I went and back,

while my anxiety consumed me.

the uniform didn’t help either;

3 inches below the knee,

tucked in when it shouldn’t be,

made my heart feel heavier with all that fabric.

//

toilets were the worst…

the mirrors tell you everything- the truths.

but oddly enough,

as I faced the mirror,

it didn’t say anything to me.

it didn’t dare to say anything…

but I saw it;

the reason why the thought of meeting new people and making friends consumed me,

the reason why abandonment issues locked my heart,

the reason why trust issues paint my skin.

//

so back and forth I went,

toilet and library I went and back.

alone was my comfort,

alone was safe,

alone was my fort,

that made reality fade.

\\

The above is true 🙂 I did experience that in high school. Let’s just say I had a really traumatic childhood and I probably haven’t full recovered from it but I’m constantly trying. I still remembered my first week in high school really vividly. I didn’t have friends for quite some time because I didn’t dare to speak in class, nor did I dare even reply other people. During recess, I would run off to wait for time to fly in the toilet, or I’d wait and hide in the library reading books. The canteen was scary because it made me feel more alone than being in a classroom full of people who had their own friends. Cliques formed so quickly, it triggered anxiety whenever I had to form groups for assignments and I had to be those “leftovers” who needed to be adopted into some random groups. After that I really tried, to change and I did. I’m still figuring out my life and work out my insecurities 🙂 I’m hopeful.

If you went through something traumatic too, or still struggling to recover from your past experiences or even yourself, I’d love to hear from you and share some love too :’)

sail with me

soulmates cruising,

in sync with the waves.

so smooth you’d cave,

so magical you’d daze.

storing memories in crates,

preserving tender love for the long haul.

thank you for choosing to sail with me,

weathering through the storm with me,

making it through to the edge of the earth with me.