love letter to the boys i loved

The first one is always hard.

The first heart break.

It’s that love that we will spend our entire lives, wondering what could have been, if we did things “right”. It’s that love that we invested 1000% and thought they were the one. It’s that love that we would love them at our expense. It’s that love that we give them pieces of ourselves that we will never take back; The first love hurts the most.

It hurts the most because we arguably love the most. We love with all risks taken, we love even if it costs us, we love even when we know it pains, we love even if we know it could cost us our future.

But the worst thing that makes it even more painful is, they didn’t think of you as their first love. Maybe they didn’t even love you half as much as you loved them. We loved so blindly we didn’t see it coming, even if perhaps, there were so many red flags waving at our faces.

Yes, first love hurts. But there’s a certain beauty in this life struggle; Most people are going through it or have gone through it. Everyday, so many people are like you, struggling to see past the darkness and unwilling to move on. Everyday we deliberately find things to stay in contact with them, even if it’s just a distant view from behind. We want to stay in their bubble.

It sucks to admit it, but it’s true.

Although this is true. There is another truth in my case. I can still love another and I know it’s real love.

I don’t know if the love I receive from the guys after him are true. But I know that even after being shattered, I’m still able to love so hard. Maybe not as hard as before, but just enough for the next. And I know that my love is true. That’s probably all that matters.

Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Yes, I might still ache from the pain a little bit from every passing memory or shiver at the sight of some places that haunt me, but I know that one day, maybe in 1 year, 4 years, 10 years, I’ll be happy, for myself, and for everyone whom I loved so dearly.

Love doesn’t hate. Love shouldn’t be selfish. From this I build my faith on that truth.

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