not just a boyfriend

I can’t stress enough the importance of a good companion. We shouldn’t be with someone romantically just because you click with them or you are physically attracted to them.

Nowadays, people say that you should be with someone to increase your value, or you should be with someone so you can have kids, or even just so that you won’t die alone. I get it that being alone is sad, but let’s not confuse it with being lonely. Being alone can still mean you’re happy with yourself and you are just physically alone, rather than alone in a mental state of mind.

I just recently had a meltdown from the stresses of school but it came very timely because my boyfriend just so happened to be there with me. I don’t know about you, but i am not the kind of girlfriend to lash out on my boyfriend or rely on him for my problems. My relationship is in a way that we are 2 individuals who are hustling and we look to each other for comfort in trying times, and a home to come back to at the end of the day. In essence, we are 2 whole people, still working through our individual lives, but coming back to a home to rest and share the prosperity we get from the hustle.

I broke down because the pressure from school and thoughts of the future just overwhelmed me. I had exes who could not understand me, or became defensive or passive aggressive when i brought up issues or challenges or thoughts I had. So as I went into the melt down, I tried to hide it from him by having my back facing him, pretending to do my work. Then suddenly, he comes to me from behind and hugs me, saying, “Don’t be stressed out okay?”. I was stunned because I did not say anything about it. He told me he just felt the tenseness in me and wanted to ask. He hugged me tight and there it went…

I started bawling like a little girl who tripped so bad. He just sat in front of me and held tissues for me while I struggled to keep up with the snot coming out of my nose. He just sat there, patiently and kindly. After I started to calm down, he prompted for me to tell him what was bothering me. I told him a very vague statement, “I’m just stressed out.”. I said a vague statement because based on the previous people I dated, I just didn’t want to be a problematic girlfriend nor experience the same disappointment as with past dates. I especially hate it when I tell someone my vulnerabilities only to find out they can’t sympathize with me or care enough to listen to my whole story.

“Specifically what is making you stressed out?”

“Quite a few things.”

“Tell me everything.”

I started crying after hearing that.

This is why I am writing this post today. I realized that I have spent, or rather wasted too much time, changing myself to suit people who I, at that point of time, thought would be soulmates and life-long constants. I shouldn’t need to change. The right people would already want to be with me at my worst. They would want to be hear my stories. They would want to chill with me without my make up. They would want to care for me when i’m smelly and sick.

I don’t know if the current person I am with is going to end up being the person I marry, but I am sure that this relationship would be one that would be remembered as the relationship that is proof, that there are such thing as soulmates.

Love is funny, it hurts, it fears and it is feared, but it should feel right if it’s yours to take.

 

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